Yesterday, I cried. I skipped all my classes and cried all day. Only cause of that.
I wished you understand my side. I wished you didnt say those things. I told you why I was doing those things, yet you didnt see why still.
I had to because I was tired. Youre not the only one who was miserable. We went through the same four months crying and depressed, but youre done, youre moving on, youre happy, and I can see that. But me? Im still in this miserable and depressed state.
You need to understand that distancing myself is for my benefit. Youre not the one being talked about, youre not the one being criticized, youre not the one being judged and called a “homewrecker,” “schemer,” “bitch,” “ungrateful friend,” etc.
You say I didnt see how you felt during those times, but I did, but I hoped you understood that I too was feeling the same way you did. You know me better than anybody and you know I would give up my happiness for others, but I too deserve to be happy. Now, how can I be happy if all the people around me are saying those stuff who I perceived as “friends”? I chose to make myself happy, but that doesnt mean I didnt care about you.
Expressing my feelings to someone is not me, and you should know that. Just cause I did not cry in front of you or in front of other people did not mean I didnt care. Til this very day I still cry at night. Til this very day I wish I wasnt me. Til this very day, disappearing is my only choice.
Im sorry if you feel that way. But this time, im choosing to make myself happy. Im tired of being sad and depressed. I hope you can understand that.